Day Thirty-seven: Hungry Hungry Hippos

At a restaurant you can get free pop refills, but what if you are still hungry? They will charge you more if you order food even though you're already paying for food. This is obviously a ridiculous scam designed to rip you off. I say dump your drink on the floor and cram the last bit of your food into the glass. Then, when the server comes by tell them you would like a refill. This way you can eat your fill without emptying your wallet.

Day Thirty-six: Each End is a New Beginning

Have you ever been in a rut that doesn't seem to end and it has been so long that you can barely remember the beginning? Well, the good thing about a rut is that they always have an end. For the last four and a half years I've been doing the same thing in the same place and very little has changed. It hasn't been a total waste, I've learned plenty over that time and met quite a few people that I respect. Now is the time to move on to greener pastures. It's time to get away from the security net of slow torture and make a grab for the trapeze of freedom. For those of you that haven't figured it out by now I'm talking about starting a new job. There's an E-mail link on my profile for anyone who needs it. Oh....SNAP!

Day Thirty-five: Thursdays of Mild Interest

This Thursday, similar to most, I could not find anyone who was willing to go out. I ended up taking a nap in the evening, which is something that I rarely do. After an entire day of sitting around the house doing little worth mentioning(things worth mentioning are not related to this topic), I had to go out. It was partly because I wasn't interested in the food I had at home and partly because I was bored out of my tree. I didn't want to go to a restaurant by myself so I headed to subway for a quick sandwich. Then, with the book I am currently re-reading I headed over to Starbucks to get some coffee and take in a few chapters. Now, this is where things get mildly interesting. After getting a second cup of coffee I proceeded to somehow spill it on the counter at which I was sitting. The coffee poured all over my pants, into my shoes and soaked my book. It took about a millisecond to register in my brain at which point I stood up, swore under my breath and began to assess the damage. The front of my pants were saturated, as were my shoes. The pages open in my book were stained tan and many other pages were beginning to swell up. I heard one of the chatty hens behind me say, "I could never get away with that."
Then I got some napkins, cleaned up the counter and my book as best I could and informed the staff of the spill. They offered to give me another coffee, but I declined and decided to go home and change my pants.
Sadly this is the most stimulating Thursday that I can remember.

Day Thirty-four: Cherish These Moments

One sunny afternoon a small boy goes fishing with his grandfather. They push the boat out into the small lake. The only disturbance is the slight ripple of their wake on the glass-like surface of the water. Everything is calm and peaceful.
When they reach the middle of the lake the boy's grandfather opens up his tackle box and prepares the line to cast. He casts far out from the boat and slowly reels it in. They sit in silence while the old man casts again and again. The boy grows restless and begins to fidget in the boat, rocking it slightly. His grandfather says, "don't rock the boat, just stay still so you won't scare away the fish."
"I'm bored," the boy replies, "can I cast the line?"
His grandfather thinks for a moment, "can your dick touch your ass?" he asks his grandson.
"Of course not." the boy says.
"Then no, you cannot cast the line." his grandfather answers.
The boy sits while his grandfather fishes, growing more and more impatient. After an hour without a single fish biting the old man decides to give up and pulls a beer from the cooler under his seat. "Can I have a beer?" his grandson asks.
Remembering how easily he deterred the boy earlier the old man says, "can your dick touch your ass?"
"No." the boy replies.
His grandfather takes a long pull from the beer and smiles to himself thinking how easy it is to manipulate a child. When he finishes half the beer he pulls a cigar out of his front pocket and lights it. "Can I smoke a cigar?" his grandson asks.
"Can your dick touch your ass?" the old man replies.
The boy sits in silence, frustrated that he didn't get to do anything the entire afternoon. His grandfather says, "but you can row us back while I smoke this one and finish my beer."
When they get back to the dock the boy grabs his bag from the boat and starts rummaging through it. He pulls out a bag of cookies and begins to eat them. His grandfather can smell that they are oatmeal raisin cookies, his favorite kind. "Can I have a cookie?" he asks his grandson.
"Can your dick touch your ass?" the boy says.
"Of course it can" his grandfather assures him.
The grandson replies, "then go fuck yourself."

Day Thirty-three: Brown Starfish

Due to public interest I did a little research on the elusive, endangered brown starfish and this is what I found.Courtesy of Google image search.

Day Thirty-two: A Whole Day of Fun and Crafts

How to make a home-made swing: For this you will need a tree with a sturdy branch or other overhang suitable to suspend three hundred pounds from. You will also need a length of rope proportional to the height of the point that the swing will be suspended from. Also, a ladder will be required to be able to secure the rope to the branch.
Hold the rope in your left hand with the end of it in your right. Now, make a loop hanging down and next to it another going up, but leave about a foot of rope between the end of this loop and the end of the rope. Wrap the remaining foot of rope around the point where the two loops meet and then through the loop pointing up. Keep the top loop tight against the rest of the rope and begin wrapping the end around both. Working upward, each wrap around should be parallel to the previous one. When there is only a couple of inches left on the end push it through the top loop and pull it tight.
Now that you have a sturdy loop throw it over the branch so that the knot is hanging about eight feet off the ground. You don't want to touch the ground while you are swinging. Go up the ladder and loop the rope once again around the branch then push the end of the rope down between the branch and the section of rope separating the two loops. Cross the end over the rope of the last loop and around the branch again. Then, once again push it down between the branch and the section between this loop and the last one. Pull the rope tight.
After you have completed these simple steps pull the loop up and slide it over your head. Snug the loop around your neck and then swing from the top of the ladder. You'll be swinging from the tree all afternoon. It's fun for the whole family.




It is that simple. It truly fucking is.